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Linda Kagey Family Counseling

Linda Kagey Family Counseling

Family Counseling, Tele-counseling, Therapy in Austin and Houston Tx

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The Trauma Named Hurricane Harvey

August 31, 2017September 1, 2017 Linda Kagey

Together we heal – A bystander’s story

Coming out of the trauma named Hurricane Harvey feels like I am finally peeking over the top of a mountain that I have been climbing for days. It may seem like a strange analogy, but being raised in New Mexico, I remember reaching the top of the mountain just to see that the mountain was only a hill, and a bigger mountain still loomed ahead. Even still, sure that the end is near, I would carry on.

In the wake of this collective trauma, there is the horrifying fear that everything I have grown so accustomed to in my surroundings may be lost. What do I save? What will I need? What means the most to me?

When I realize I am safe, I see the horrifying pictures on TV. People not even a mile away from where I am are trapped in homes or on their rooftops. I see pictures of the retirement home down the street with elderly people sitting in four feet of water awaiting rescue. I hear people in shock talking about leaving family heirlooms, photos or even a home they have lived in for 50 years behind, and they exclaim how grateful they are to be alive. I feel guilt unlike any other. Surely there is something I can do. I am able-bodied, and I have food, water and electricity. How can I help?  I must help. I get into my car and realize that there is nowhere to go; I have neither boat nor high-profile vehicle. I realize that right now my attempt to help will only add to the problems. Defeated, I return home. Glued to the television, I wonder once again how long I will be safe, how long will it be before I become one of the casualties of the flood. More images, more valiant efforts flood my vision. Social media posts are filled with people begging for an opportunity to help. More and more people are feeling like me, helpless and powerless in the face of so much devastation. I check in with everyone I know. Are you okay? How is your family? I find myself going through my list of contacts. Have I heard from everyone? Is everyone safe?

A day later, there is still no flooding in my home. After just six hours without electricity, I’m back to the news and that sinking feeling that my community is falling apart and I am somehow failing it returns. “How can I help?” becomes the mantra across the world. I can see these words on people’s faces and hear them spoken everywhere I turn. Just when the guilt becomes unbearable, the rain decreases enough to meander a path to a local church that is taking in refugees. Quickly, I gather linens, clothing and toiletries and arrive to find a line of cars waiting for their donations to be unloaded. Food, water, clothing, bedding, toys, pet food, etc. etc. etc. I walk inside and begin the task of sorting and separating the mounds of treasures that have come from people just like me. I found a place that, for a couple of hours, I could be a part of something much bigger than me—a part of something that gives us all hope. For that brief period of time, my guilt is relieved and my anxiety lessened—all because I was able to help.

Then the sun comes out. I rejoice as I take stock of my life and the things I hold dear. I feel grateful.

Everyone talks about the generosity of people helping each other. I propose that something besides generosity is at work here in Houston. It’s something deeper than generosity; it’s more intrinsic. It’s the need we feel to be connected to each other—to reach out when a fellow is hurt or desperate. It’s a need that is so deep, so primal that to ignore it is like ignoring the need to sleep or eat.

The fear of getting involved that most of us experience daily quickly dissipates and we seek ways to help, to connect, and to care. Suddenly, all the things that keep us isolated from each other are gone, and we are one.

Does disaster bring out the best in us?  My response is a resounding yes. We are able, in the face of disaster, to forget our insecurities, our selfish desires and the notion that the universe is centered around us. We focus our attention on others. As the great psychologist and author Harville Hendrix points out, individual healing is accomplished in relationship with others.

Let’s take the time to help each other heal. Help someone else. And, just as important, allow others to help you heal, too.

The Story of the Elephant and The Rope

December 11, 2016July 28, 2017 Linda Kagey

As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not. My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

“Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size of rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” My friend was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

How many times have we curbed our expectations, desires because of our own limited thinking?  We often blame other people or situations until we develop an awareness of our unlimited potential.   As Thomas the Train so eloquently puts it “I think I can…I think I can…I know I can!”

 

Awareness is the key.

August 25, 2015July 28, 2017 Linda Kagey

Awareness, such a simple word yet, the lack of it interferes with our ability to follow our path of happy destiny.  We often take it for granted not realizing our own conscience awareness is really the key to all we want to accomplish in life. Whether it is overcoming an addiction, changing relationship dynamics, deciding which job to accept or even whom to marry.  Most of us go through life unconscious.  Letting the world dictate our decisions, thoughts, feelings and actions.  We find ourselves stuck in the same patterns of action.

”You cannot change anything you are not aware of.”  Not rocket science I know but it is the concept that alludes us the most.  When we become aware of our feelings, our reactions and our thoughts, we are then able to direct or redirect ourselves toward a positive course of action.

When we become aware of our sensitive areas (buttons) why they are sensitive and what to do about it we become empowered to make a change.

When we become aware of our own defenses and how they affect our spiritual life, our relationship with ourselves and consequently our relationships with others, we have the opportunity to make different decisions for ourselves.

When we become aware of other peoples areas of strength and weaknesses and accept them for who they are we can let go of trying to get our needs met through manipulation and control.  We come across an empty well and begin going back repeatedly expecting it to be full, getting angrier and angrier each time.  Why the well is empty, whether or not it needs to change and how it chooses to change is not, as Steven Covey would say, in our area of influence.  Therefore, this tells us the first thing to do is accept other people for who they are without judgement then we are able to become aware of and take responsibility for our own reactive behavior, giving us the power to change.

Awareness is the key that opens the first door in your journey!

Where oh where has the money gone…? Debt in America

March 31, 2015August 31, 2017 Linda Kagey

Where oh where has the money gone…

Compulsive debting and spending seems to be the norm in the United States.  According to an article published in USA Today 44.7% of Texans have debt that has gone into collections.  Texas has the second highest percentage of persons in debt in the entire nation.  Compulsive spending, while not responsible for all of the debt in America, is a problem for many Texans.  For many the compulsive behavior is similar to any other “process” addiction.  Spending changes the way you feel, changes the firing of neurotransmitters in the pleasure center of your brain and quickly links to your “need” to feel better.  As with any other addiction the cycle of spending, remorse, pain and more spending to relieve the pain is pervasive.  Thankfully, many people have found a solution in Debtors Anonymous.  Members of Debtors Anonymous report their whole lives change as they pull themselves out of debt and become intentional with their money.  As stated on the Debtors Anonymous website the benefits of attending DA can be summed up as follows:

The Promises of DA

  1. Where once we felt despair, we will experience a newfound hope.
  2. Clarity will replace vagueness. Confidence and intuition will replace confusion and chaos. We will live engaged lives, make decisions that best meet our needs, and become the people we were meant to be.
  3. We will live within our means, yet our means will not define us.
  4. We will begin to live a prosperous life, unencumbered by fear, worry, resentment or debt.
  5. We will realize that we are enough; we will value ourselves and our contributions.
  6. Isolation will give way to fellowship; faith will replace fear.
  7. We will recognize that there is enough; our resources will be generous and we will share them with others and with DA.
  8. We will cease to compare ourselves to others; jealousy and envy will fade.
  9. Acceptance and Gratitude will replace regret, self-pity and longing.
  10. We will no longer fear the truth; we will move from hiding in denial to living in reality.
  11. Honesty will guide our actions towards a rich life filled with meaning and purpose.
  12. We will recognize a Power Greater than ourselves as the source of our abundance. We will ask for help and guidance and have faith that it will come.

Alcohol Can Distort Men’s Feelings of Empathy and Understanding of Irony

December 2, 2012August 2, 2017 Linda Kagey

The chronic, heavy use of alcohol can reduce a man’s ability to feel empathy or understand irony.  A study published in Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research looked at two groups of 22 men, one group was in their third week of an alcohol treatment program and the other 22 were not alcoholic. Both groups were given stories to read that ended in either a straightforward manner, or with an ironic sentence. They were then questioned on the story to see if they caught the ironic twists. The non-alcoholic group interpreted nine out of ten stories correctly, whereas the 22 in treatment for alcohol addiction gave correct answers for only about half of them.

Read the entire article here: Alcohol Can Distort Men’s Feelings of Empathy and Understanding of Irony

School Nurses: Trusted Student Health Professionals and Agents of Substance Abuse Prevention

December 1, 2012 Linda Kagey

From the Office of National Drug Control Policy comes high praise for the role that school nurses play in protecting the mental health of America’s students. A 2007 report from the Government Accountability Office showed that these professional health care workers spend one-third of their time providing mental health services, including addiction issues. Substance abuse in the form of prescription drug abuse has increased markedly in this segment of the population. School nurses and their professional association have tackled the problem head on by educating students regarding the dangers of drug abuse and treating those who exhibit symptoms of addiction.

Read the entire article here: School Nurses: Trusted Student Health Professionals and Agents of Substance Abuse Prevention

Invisible War Wounds and the New Face of Addiction

November 30, 2012 Linda Kagey

Lisa Cypers Kamen, MA, blogs about the wounds of war that are not visible to others. She also investigates the sad statistics related to the substance addictions that follow in their boot steps. Within the military, prescription drug abuse has skyrocketed between 2005 and 2008. Fully one third of returning Iraq war veterans show signs of alcohol abuse. Post traumatic stress puts hundreds of thousands of these young men and women at increased risk of falling prey to substance addictions. Because of survivors’ guilt, depression, sadness and shame, these brave protectors of our freedom need to be guided though positive therapies to help them reintegrate into civilian life.

Read the entire article: Invisible War Wounds and the New Face of Addiction

Study: Alcoholism Shortens Life More Than Smoking

November 29, 2012 Linda Kagey

Researchers working in Germany have confirmed the association between alcoholism and premature death. The Institute of Epidemiology and Social Medicine at University Medicine Greifswald study found that death rates were 4.6 times higher in alcohol-dependent women, and 1.9 times higher in men with alcohol dependence than the general population. Published online in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, the research looked at 4000 men and women over a 14 year period. The average reduction in life expectancy for both genders was 20 years; this was more than the life reduction expected due to smoking related illnesses.

Read the entire article here: Study: Alcoholism Shortens Life More Than Smoking

Young People Who Go Out Drinking Start Earlier and Consume More and More Alcohol

November 28, 2012 Linda Kagey

An investigation into the drinking habits of Spanish teenagers and university students by the University of Valencia has found that young people are unaware of the downside of alcohol use, and are at higher risk of becoming addicted. They also tend to start drinking at younger ages and imbibe more and stronger alcoholic beverages. The university looked at 6009 young people between the ages of 14 to 25. Today’s university students started drinking at 14 or 15 years old, and drank fermented beverages. High school kids started at 13 or 14 and used distilled alcohol. Since neither group is aware of long term consequences, this study bodes ill portent for their future. 

Read the entire article here: Young People Who Go Out Drinking Start Earlier and Consume More and More Alcohol

Recovery of Brain Volumes with Abstinence May Vary for Different Brain Regions

November 26, 2012 Linda Kagey

Alcohol abuse can cause damage to the central nervous system and brain morphology. A study to be released in the January 2013 issue of Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research has found that the recovery of cerebral gray matter may begin in the first two weeks of recovery, but varies in the different areas of the brain. This study compared 49 alcohol-dependent patients with 55 nonalcohol-dependent individuals acting as a control group. Those who were alcohol dependent had brain scans done within the first 24 hours of detoxification and were again scanned two weeks later. Evidence was found for a rapid recovery in various parts of the brain.

Read the entire article here: Recovery of Brain Volumes with Abstinence May Vary for Different Brain Regions

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The Story of the Elephant and The Rope

December 11, 2016July 28, 2017

As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.Continue reading The Story of the Elephant and The Rope →

Awareness is the key.

August 25, 2015July 28, 2017

Awareness, such a simple word yet, the lack of it interferes with our ability to follow our path of happy destiny.  We often take it for granted not realizing our own conscience awareness is really the key to all we want to accomplish in life. Whether it is overcoming an addiction, changing relationship dynamics, deciding whichContinue reading Awareness is the key. →

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Houston, TX 77066
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Dripping Springs TX 78620
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