When drinking stops being fun

If you drink a lot, or you have been drinking more than usual lately, it can be hard to picture the version of you that actually stops. It can feel even harder to picture wanting to stop. Most people who get sober, though, can tell you exactly what shifted. Something changed in how they saw their drinking. The bad nights started to outweigh the good ones. It took more booze to feel less. The math stopped adding up.

Maybe you have been at that line yourself. Maybe you have quit and started again, or other people have asked you to slow down and you have tried, only to realize you would rather keep drinking. Maybe you have strung together a few months and then one party pulled you right back in. Or you truly want to stop and cannot.

For the people who do get sober, the moment of the last drink stays with them. They remember what tipped it.

What led her to quit for good

We asked a few of our clients who no longer drink what changed for them, and one woman gave us permission to share her story. Her name has been changed.

In her own words: Carrie M.

Carrie is in her mid fifties. She quit drinking twenty one years ago and has stayed sober the entire time. Her last drink came at the end of a long day of drinking. The month before that night, she had started blacking out, which had never happened to her before.

My friends would call me the morning after, asking if I was OK. I would sit there listening as they told me what I had done. One night I yelled at a bartender. Another night I was shouting on the street as we walked to the next place. I had always been a fun, easy drinker. This was not that. It was humiliating.

The worst one came when she woke up in her ex husband's bed with no memory of getting there. She remembered drinking with him at his house. After that, nothing. She was deeply ashamed. A few blackouts in, she genuinely wanted to stop, but she could not. She would tell herself she was going to have two drinks, and then she would have six plus shots. She would tell herself she was not drinking tonight, and then she would finish two bottles of wine.

The alcohol stopped working

Emotionally

For years, drinking did what Carrie wanted it to do. It turned the volume down. She felt easy, free, and fun. Fear and sadness went quiet. That last year, the effect flipped.

For a long time drinking made everything float. In that last year, I was not having much fun anymore, and I was feeling more anxious, not less. I would get a couple of drinks in and start sobbing out of nowhere. I was supposed to be the life of the party, and instead I was crying in a corner. That is when I started to think about stopping. I wanted to feel numb, and the alcohol was not doing that for me anymore.

Physically

It also stopped working on her body. One afternoon she sat down to drink even though she had told herself she would not. She had four margaritas, then shots on top, and never got buzzed. Not a little. Not at all.

I drank a dangerous amount of liquor and did not feel any of it. That scared me enough to call a friend. She told me to come over, and she sent a cab. I wanted to drive because I felt fine, and I knew at that point that was a lie.

The moment she asked for help

At her friend's house, they sat and talked. Carrie added it up. She had lost the buzz. She had lost the fun. She had lost the emotional escape. She had lost any ability to drink like she used to. She had not been arrested, had not lost her job, had not hit what movies tell you a bottom looks like. But she could see that was not far away. She was done.

It turned out my friend was in AA. She invited me to a meeting the next morning, and I went. I sat there listening to women share their own drinking, and I related to every single thing. How they felt. What they had been through. What finally made them stop. It clicked. I have not had a drink since. I know it is not that simple for everyone, and I am grateful it worked for me.

Can you relate?

We share stories like this because sometimes it helps to hear someone else say it out loud. Maybe parts of Carrie's story sound like yours, and maybe other parts do not. If you are a man reading this, her specifics may not match, but the themes might. Drinking stopped being fun. You started doing things you regret. You cannot quite catch a buzz anymore.

No one else can decide for you. Not a spouse, not a doctor, not a friend. Even in a place where alcohol is hard to find, people find it when they want to. The decision is yours.

If you are addicted, you cannot do this alone

This is the part we say clearly. If you are an alcoholic, quitting on your own is almost impossible, no matter how many reasons you have to stop. Carrie had every reason in the world. She still needed a friend and a room full of other women in recovery before it stuck.

Help is out there

The most well known starting point is Alcoholics Anonymous. AA does not work for everyone, but it is worth trying if you are open to it. If AA is not for you, there is SMART Recovery, LifeRing Secular Recovery, Women for Sobriety, Secular Organizations for Sobriety, and Moderation Management. Different paths for different people. The important thing is asking for help.

We're here

At Kagey, we work with people at every stage of getting free from alcohol. Our alcohol counseling is where most people start, and we also offer an Intensive Outpatient Program and a Partial Hospitalization Program when someone needs more structure. Most major insurance is accepted for the IOP and PHP.

Call 832-928-0211 with any question you have, or for a free fifteen minute consultation. You are not alone in this.