Connection is not optional

Anyone in recovery will tell you that staying connected matters. The writer Johann Hari puts it plainly: the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is human connection. Sobriety is part of the answer. Other people are the other part.

This is not just a feeling. Twelve step programs were written with the word "we" in every step on purpose. The founders saw that one person working alone often slipped. Two people working the same ground held steady. Whatever your path, prioritizing connection is protective.

When outside circumstances change the way you can gather, recovery gets harder. That is real, and it affects people who are two weeks sober the same as people who are twenty years sober. The instructions are simple. Keep reaching. Here are some ways.

Make Zoom meetings feel like meetings

  • Switch to speaker view while someone is sharing. You see the face instead of a wall of tiles. Most of communication is on the face.
  • Use private chat sparingly but warmly. A quick "thanks for that share" in the chat is the online version of a head nod across the room. Not cross talk. Just presence.
  • Volunteer. Chair a meeting. Host the Zoom. Co host. Anything that pulls you out of the passive screen position.
  • Drop your number when appropriate. If the group allows it, put your phone number in the chat during the fellowship portion so people can call between meetings.

Get creative with tech

  • Facebook, complicated as it is, has real recovery community on it. Groups, sober pages, meetings lists. It is worth the search.
  • Start your own standing call with two or three people from your home group. Same time every week. Check-in only.
  • Play games together on Zoom. Google "games you can play on Zoom" and a whole list shows up. Play is part of connection and most adults have been starving for it.
  • Run a virtual scavenger hunt. List items, whoever finds them first wins. Works great for work teams too.
  • Do something in parallel. Take a walk together while on the phone. Watch the same movie at the same time. Have coffee together on FaceTime. Paint along to a YouTube tutorial. Companionship does not require constant talking.
  • Work while hanging out. Ask a coworker or a friend in the same line of work to Zoom while you both get things done. Keep them in the corner of the screen.
  • Schedule short check-ins. Five minutes on the phone is enough. The small regular check beats the rare big call.

In person when you can

If you can safely meet someone outside, for a walk, a coffee, a meal, do it. Outdoors changes the whole conversation.

The upside nobody talks about

When recovery meetings moved online, something useful happened. Almost every meeting in the world became reachable from a living room. If you got sober somewhere else and miss that home group, you can drop into it on a Tuesday. If you heard about a strong meeting in another city, you can try it. Work swing shift? Find a group in another time zone. Nervous about being on camera? Join with your video off until you are ready.

Be gentle with the effort it takes

Connection takes more effort now than it used to. If isolating is part of your addiction, it will take even more. Keep going. Five minute calls count. A Zoom meeting with cameras off counts. A text back to the person who texted first counts. You are worth staying in touch with.

We're here

If you want a counselor in your corner while you build this part of your recovery, call 832-928-0211 or fill out our contact form. We will help you figure out what support looks like for your week.